My kids....My heart

My kids....My heart

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Have you ever found yourself missing someone so much that if you pay close enough attention to your body you can feel your heart climbing north into your chest until it actually feels like it is at the base of your throat?  I have.  It’s unbearable and it feels so unfair.

Especially when that someone is lying next to you, straight faced, staring at the dust collecting on the ceiling fan above.   One tear, clinging to his eye lash until finally it can no longer hold on and it rolls gently down his cheeks and rests sadly in the corner of his beautiful lips.  Everything in you screams, “I’m here and I’m going to make you better.”  But in reality, no sound escapes your lips.  In reality, your unwavering love and support may be a comfort but it’s not enough.   It’s hard to imagine that love really isn’t enough. That awareness strikes fear into your heart so much so that it is paralyzing and temporarily, you forget how to breathe.

Have you ever looked into the face of another and knew instinctively that they too battle this fear?  I have.   There are no words – only long, tight hugs that suggest you understand their grief and despair.   So you listen and you whisper, “I’ll pray.”   But in your heart of hearts you have your doubts that prayer will make a change.   Today, prayer is all you have to offer.

Depression is a lonely and dark place.  Not only for the suffering mind of the tortured soul, but for the loved ones who want so desperately to rescue them from this battlefield of hopelessness, but can’t find the road to reach them there.