My kids....My heart

My kids....My heart

Saturday, December 13, 2014

All of Me

I ache to find the key that opens my heart to all of me.
I yearn for the moments when life’s beauty steals the breath from my lungs.  And you and I and every other beating heart becomes one.  
My heart beats loudly with the desire to see only the beauty in each and every one.   
Life is fleeting.
I feel it moving its way beneath my feet as I search for a way to seize each moment and become who I was born to be.  
Living small, knowing that life was meant to be grand is very much the same as being a thief.   
A lifetime has been spent searching outwardly for answers that have always lived in me.
Undoubtedly, in those answers, is where I’ll find the key – 
I ask myself, am I ready to be all of me?


Sunday, August 24, 2014

A Legacy of Love

Time does not really heal all wounds.  Time allows a scar to gently grow and cover the gaping hole in one’s heart that is created by the loss of someone you love.   

Today would have been my grandmother - Dixie Jeanette Ribordy's 93 birthday. This November will mark the fortieth year we have had to endure life without her grace, wisdom, and guidance.   I purposefully did not include the word love here - We have not endured the loss of her love because her love resides deeply within each and every one of us.  My grandmother's  love runs so deep that it has transcended her death.  I can feel her loving presence in the actions of every child, grandchild and great-grand child that belong to her.

My wish  for her birthday is that each and every person who has ever known my grandmother will acknowledge the love she would be sharing on this day and every day she lived her life.  My wish is that each and every one of us continue the legacy of her unconditional love.


Saturday, August 16, 2014

I am Powerful Beyond Measure

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.”  Marianne Williamson
This has always been one of my favorite quotes but I don’t know that I have truly ever embraced it.  Learning to embrace my own authentic power has always felt a bit arrogant.  I know now that celebrating and accepting the amazing soul I was born to be is not arrogant, in fact it is gracious!  Fully embracing and living a loving, joyful life is the grandest thank you I can give.
My heart, soul and mind have finally come to realize that of course I should embrace my own light. I am the daughter of one of the most loving beings to grace this earth, Marsha Charlene Payne.  It is my honor to be a conduit of her love.  It is also my responsibility to allow her love to channel its way through me and unto all of those I shall ever meet.  Anything less than a full embrace of the beauty, joy and love within me would not be fair to myself, the world, or to the woman who taught me that the best way to travel about this journey called life is with your heart wide open!
I am no longer afraid to embrace the notion that I am meant for greatness – that I am powerful beyond measure and I am meant to live a life immersed with joy and love.   Indeed, that it is why I am here.

Thursday, February 6, 2014



On a  warm, sunny January day,  I was exiting the cemetery after a brief but comforting visit with a few of the people in my life that have departed this temporary home and I was struck by the beauty and grief of this man sitting alone with his departed loved one.   On this particular day, I was feeling a profound sadness in my own heart.  The only place I could place my sorrow was at the feet of those no longer able themselves to feel it.   

When my eyes fell upon this beautiful, lonely man, I was suddenly aware of the overwhelming sense of love he must have felt for the person he was spending his day with.    Sadness in my own heart gave way to compassion for the sadness in his.   As I snapped the photo of him, so many words flooded my mind.  Words like sadness, sorrow, grief, loneliness and pain.   Also loud and clear was the word love.

Love is the eternal word.   It is everlasting -without end.    Love has the power to transcend death.  

What a beautiful message from an old man sitting in a chair alone with the one he loves.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Depression is a Lying Thief

Its dark, heavy shadow consumes your mind - leaving you unable to think
It suffocates you with pain until you can no longer breathe
It steals your breath, then seeps into your heart and covers it like an old shrunken glove
Until, finally it has rendered you unable to love

Depression is a lying thief

It will conquer your body and it is unwilling to leave
The only movement allowed is a solitary tear, streaming down your face
Unable to rest gently on your cheek because the weight of the world brings it crashing onto your soft, silky sheets
Each tear represents suffering that is soul deep
As it takes every bit of your strength just to weep

Saturday, June 1, 2013

It's a good life....

Oh, it’s a good life. But its not her life

Not the one she envisioned so long ago

She was a poet.    A free spirit with a story sometimes she wanted to tell

Indeed, she has a pretty sweet life – but its not her life

Her life was going to be magical with beauty never ending  -  lived under a mystical spell.

Where is this girl – I remember thinking I knew her so well

I see glimpses of her now,  but I think it’s a veil

She’s living a good life – just not the life she dreamt

And it takes her breath when realizes that she can’t always recall where her time was spent

Where is that girl that dreamed big –  that love and her pen  could change the world?

She’s busy living a good life – just not the life she dreamt.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Have you ever found yourself missing someone so much that if you pay close enough attention to your body you can feel your heart climbing north into your chest until it actually feels like it is at the base of your throat?  I have.  It’s unbearable and it feels so unfair.

Especially when that someone is lying next to you, straight faced, staring at the dust collecting on the ceiling fan above.   One tear, clinging to his eye lash until finally it can no longer hold on and it rolls gently down his cheeks and rests sadly in the corner of his beautiful lips.  Everything in you screams, “I’m here and I’m going to make you better.”  But in reality, no sound escapes your lips.  In reality, your unwavering love and support may be a comfort but it’s not enough.   It’s hard to imagine that love really isn’t enough. That awareness strikes fear into your heart so much so that it is paralyzing and temporarily, you forget how to breathe.

Have you ever looked into the face of another and knew instinctively that they too battle this fear?  I have.   There are no words – only long, tight hugs that suggest you understand their grief and despair.   So you listen and you whisper, “I’ll pray.”   But in your heart of hearts you have your doubts that prayer will make a change.   Today, prayer is all you have to offer.

Depression is a lonely and dark place.  Not only for the suffering mind of the tortured soul, but for the loved ones who want so desperately to rescue them from this battlefield of hopelessness, but can’t find the road to reach them there.