I haven't posted anything on my blog for awhile because I can only write when I feel moved. I wanted to feel inspired to write something beautiful and I have had plenty of opportunities lately to feel moved. Today, I am grateful but I also feel scared.
Ryder made a dramatic entrance in to all of our lives last week after about 30 hours of incredible laboring by his mother. I was really proud of Britt. She went through a tremendous amount of pain. Ryder is a miracle and a blessing from God for all of us. I'm grateful that I have been able to share in this incredible time of Kenny & Britt's life. It is cliche to say, but we have to really enjoy the moments in our life that are gifts from God. It's easy to take our blessings for granted.
I was blessed to spend last week spending time with my family in beautiful San Diego. The ocean is like medicine to me. It heals my tired bones. quiets my busy mind and fills my spirit with joy like no other place on earth.
Today my heart is feeling wrenched and my mind is not so quiet. Wynn was told by his boss yesterday that there is no work and there will be no work for quite some time. In my heart and throat, there’s a big lump. We have had times in our life when work was slow and layoffs happened, but this time, to me, feels so different. I don’t recall a time when the economy made the news every single day. This time the knot in my stomach feels so justified.
I pray – well, I have casual talks with God. Every day I do. I’m not really very good at it, my mind tends to wander, but I do my best. He knows me pretty well, so I think he undertands :) I find it much easier to pray for others, but last night I prayed hard that things would be ok, for me. Wow – what a difference a week makes – last Friday I fell asleep hoping for beautiful weather so I could enjoy strolling the beach in San Diego. Last night I fell asleep thinking, Oh My God, my husband does not have a job. Last Friday, I slept in peace and I woke up to the beautiful sights and sounds of Pacific Beach. I sat outside in the salty air and enjoyed the moist sea breeze and took pleasure in the sound of the never ending waves crashing along the beach. I did not sleep well last night and when I woke up this morning, my husband’s first words were, don’t worry about all of this. It is so unsettling. Maybe in a few days I will reach the place where I know deep down that we’re going to be just fine. Is that faith? I need some of that, right now.
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2 comments:
Aunt Sherry, YOu have always comforted me in my times of sorrow, now I realize that there is really nothing anyone can do but to pray that Uncle Wynn will find a job quickly. I know, and I have been there, I am there now... worried about things we really have no control over. One thing I have learned over the last few months is that I can't worry about the things I can't control. Even though I know that you have every reason right now to worry, to lose sleep, to feel sick, and to have that lump in your throat, please keep praying. Sometimes God doesn't answer our prayers the way we think they should be answered, and some times things don't happen the way we think they should. And sometimes life feels really UNFAIR, they Lord knows all... and He won't let you suffer for long. I know that you will be okay, even though I know everyone is going to tell you that and really it means nothing to you because they don't know, I don't know, and you don't know what lies ahead. But I do know that prayers work Miracles, and something will come Uncle Wynn's way. It just always works out. The economy is scary, and those who don't believe they can be effect better start praying. It is scary when your husband doesn't have a job, but now at this time there is a little heightened anxiety because of the economy. It will have to change, what goes down, will come up.
Control the things that you can control, and give everything else to God. Love you.
Yes, that is indeed faith and ditto to what Misty said. It will all work out for both of you. Greg was out of work for 3 months and it was tough but we managed. I know that you will also be okay. Besides, you have an amazing (extended) family that will never leave your side. I will keep you guys in my prayers.
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