Happy Birthday Katherine!

When I think about what it means to be your mother, I think about my own mom. The only words that can express the way I feel about you both are pure, unconditional love. I think about how my mom has always been the most influential person in my life. She has always been my strength. For many, many years I wanted so badly to be a mom. For so long, I wasn’t sure if that dream would ever come true. Since my own mother was the very best God had to offer, I prayed that I could be at least half the mother she was.

Just about 16 years and 9 months ago, I had the most incredibly real dream. I was holding this beautiful baby girl in my arms. I felt like everything in the world was simply perfect. When I woke up, I told your dad about the most amazing dream I’d ever had and how incredibly happy I was. That was on Mother’s Day, 1992. When I got out of bed that morning, nature sent me a crushing blow and all signs were that I could not possibly be pregnant. For some unknown reason, about a week later, I had a strong feeling that I needed to confirm whether or not I was pregnant. Three pregnancy tests and one doctor’s appointment later; I received the news that would forever change my life. There are no words that can describe the overwhelming joy I felt that day. Your birth was not just a gift to your dad and me. Katherine you truly have been a blessing to our entire family. Thank you, Lord.

Now, here you are on the threshold of 16! The thought of it takes my breath away. I remember so vividly how at that age I was trying to figure out who I thought I was meant to be. I know now how excruciating it must have been for Nana to realize that she must let me go, to let me grow. I know now how she felt when she realized that children really don’t belong to their parents, they are gifts sent from God, to be loved, nurtured and guided in to adulthood. It’s not easy letting go….

So, please forgive me when I hold on too tightly, it is only because I can’t imagine that you are no longer my little girl. Forgive me when I embarrass you by bragging about your accomplishments, it is only because I am so proud of you. Forgive me when I set such high expectations that they seem impossible for you to reach, it is only because I have so much faith in you.

Katherine, you amaze me. I am proud to be your mother. You are compassionate and loving. You are kindhearted, honest and loyal. You are so much smarter than you believe yourself to be. You love your family with your whole heart and that fills my heart with joy.

Katherine, you are my daughter and you represent the very best part of me. I know that your light will continue to shine and will always brighten the lives of those around you.

I love you. Happy Birthday.

A Favorite Quote

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

- Marriane Williamson

Misty - I know you always read my blog. I posted this specifically for YOU! Always remember to let your own light shine, it is the reason you are here! By allowing your light to shine, you will also brighten the lives of your children. They can't fully understand today, but someday they will know just how incredible and difficult the journey their mother chose to take was; and they will understand how your hard work and determination enriched and empowered their own lives.

I am so proud of you!

Grateful

It is simply inconceivable to me that Christmas day is only three days away. As a child this day seemed to take forever to get here but as you get older it tends to come around much too fast. Over the years, you hear yourself say “it just does not feel like Christmas.” This year, in particular, that has been so true. It’s been a rough year. It’s been over two months since Wynn was laid off. He’s not the only one we know who has lost their job in this craziness. He actually drove twelve hours for what he thought would be 3 days of work. He’s been gone six days now and won’t get home until late on Christmas Eve. One year ago that would have seemed ludicrous. Now, we are thankful for the work. We talked on the phone for about an hour last night. We talked about how many people are going through such difficult times. Susie’s mom just passed away; his own mother just had a mini-stroke and is facing three more surgeries on her legs; Angie’s mother in-law is scheduled to have open-heart surgery; my friend’s brother just underwent quadruple bypass. The list could go on and on. During our conversation, my husband, the one that always brings me back to earth – said “You know we are really lucky.” That is not a thought that occurred to me lately, maybe because we have absolutely no idea when, how or where the next job will come from. And he reminds me that we are lucky! He is absolutely right. It’s easy to get caught up in the "poor me" syndrome until you look at those around you who are going through such emotional and financial hardships. I have said many times that life in the absence of tragedy is a good life. Saying it does not mean you always believe it.

So three days before Christmas I am attempting to make a drastic shift in my perception. The best way to feel the spirit of this season is to immerse yourself in gratitude. I have much to be grateful for: my parents & my one and only sister are still on this earth; my children are healthy, happy and kind individuals; my husband loves me and I love him - I made a pretty good decision twenty two years ago (it’s the gift that keeps giving); our family continues to grow as we have been blessed many times this year with the births of healthy, beautiful babies (Lord, thank you); my mornings are spent exercising my body and nourishing my spirit by spending time with my Aunt Kathy; Sunday dinners at Aunt Joyce’s are always delicious and filled with laughter, it’s a place where cousins continue to bond – not just one generation – but two- actually, make that three!

These are hard times, but they are also overflowing with love, friendship, family, good health, laughter and gratitude.

Lord – when I fail to remember, please remind me that I am:

Grateful. Thankful. Appreciative. Blessed. Fortunate and yes, Lucky.

Kayden Joseph Evans

My great-nephew, Kayden Joseph Evans, was born on November 10, 2008 @ 3:16 in the afternoon. He is an absolutely beautiful baby boy.

Thank you, God, for the blessings you continue to bestow upon our family.

3:16
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Life is Fragile

You would think at 41 years of age, I would no longer need to be reminded about how fragile life really is. I should know to appreciate each good day, each moment of peace and tranquility in my home and in my heart. The moments when life has been trouble-free, when no tragedy permeates my inner circle have been taken for granted. Life certainly has an unkind way of reminding us to be grateful. On Saturday morning, about 8:30, I was reminded in a swift and cruel manner just how fragile life is. My friend and co-worker of over 14 years, Sylvia, lost her 34 year old husband suddenly Friday evening, with no warning of his impending death. He had plans to take her oldest grandson hunting Saturday morning. Life is cruel. When the grandson woke early, he thought his Tata Alex left him behind. His innocence was shattered moments later when he was told that Alex passed away, at home, the evening before. Life seems particularly cruel to Sylvia. This is the second time she has had to deal with the sudden death of her spouse. Her first husband, Francisco, died of a massive heart attack while at work. It was Alex that saved her from the destructive path that Francisco’s death put her on. I mourned with her then as I mourn with her now. I tried, but could find no words to comfort her. The best I could offer was a tight, long, heartfelt hug. I stroked her hair as she spoke of Alex and we cried together, but I could not ease her pain. I wish it were possible to ease her pain, but it is a journey she will travel alone. Life is hard and really unfair. The road for her is going to be awfully hard and terribly lonely. Her story needs to be a reminder to us all that each day that life is absent of tragedy – it is a good day. There are inconveniences and even days that are not great – but life really is good when those we love are here to share it with us. We fool ourselves in to thinking that our loved ones will always be here, that the life we live today will always be.... Life comes with no guarantees. During the last three weeks, I have found myself being depressed and wallowing in self-pity over the loss of Wynn’s job.
That feels so insignificant today.

I am grateful but I'm also scared

I haven't posted anything on my blog for awhile because I can only write when I feel moved. I wanted to feel inspired to write something beautiful and I have had plenty of opportunities lately to feel moved. Today, I am grateful but I also feel scared.

Ryder made a dramatic entrance in to all of our lives last week after about 30 hours of incredible laboring by his mother. I was really proud of Britt. She went through a tremendous amount of pain. Ryder is a miracle and a blessing from God for all of us. I'm grateful that I have been able to share in this incredible time of Kenny & Britt's life. It is cliche to say, but we have to really enjoy the moments in our life that are gifts from God. It's easy to take our blessings for granted.

I was blessed to spend last week spending time with my family in beautiful San Diego. The ocean is like medicine to me. It heals my tired bones. quiets my busy mind and fills my spirit with joy like no other place on earth.

Today my heart is feeling wrenched and my mind is not so quiet. Wynn was told by his boss yesterday that there is no work and there will be no work for quite some time. In my heart and throat, there’s a big lump. We have had times in our life when work was slow and layoffs happened, but this time, to me, feels so different. I don’t recall a time when the economy made the news every single day. This time the knot in my stomach feels so justified.

I pray – well, I have casual talks with God. Every day I do. I’m not really very good at it, my mind tends to wander, but I do my best. He knows me pretty well, so I think he undertands :) I find it much easier to pray for others, but last night I prayed hard that things would be ok, for me. Wow – what a difference a week makes – last Friday I fell asleep hoping for beautiful weather so I could enjoy strolling the beach in San Diego. Last night I fell asleep thinking, Oh My God, my husband does not have a job. Last Friday, I slept in peace and I woke up to the beautiful sights and sounds of Pacific Beach. I sat outside in the salty air and enjoyed the moist sea breeze and took pleasure in the sound of the never ending waves crashing along the beach. I did not sleep well last night and when I woke up this morning, my husband’s first words were, don’t worry about all of this. It is so unsettling. Maybe in a few days I will reach the place where I know deep down that we’re going to be just fine. Is that faith? I need some of that, right now.

Britt and Stefanie,

I was thinking about you both this morning as Jes walked by my room. I know that you both are feeling so ready to have your babies. I remember thinking the last month of each of my pregnancies that it was taking forever! I wish I could give you the gift of knowledge, of knowing how every single moment of your pregnancy is precious and that you will never in your life have this time again. You see, right now you are perfectly connected to this baby. This baby is yours. Shortly after the moment of birth, your child starts becoming its own independent person and given all the right opportunities in life that process will continue. That is the way it is supposed to be. We have them, we raise them and they grow into their own. Once the birth takes place, your child belongs to the world. You are, of course, responsible for nurturing, providing, loving and raising them, but they belong to the world. It will be their job to discover themselves and along that path they will discover their independence. So take this time to immerse yourself in the beauty of the life growing inside of you. When the baby moves, take that feeling in and appreciate the pure beauty and delight in the moment. Truly understand that you are a part of the miracle of life. It does not last long enough. There were moments after Katherine and Jes were born when I felt lonely and I realized that even though I was holding them in my arms, I was longing for them and that connection that we had for nine months. Cherish the moments and make them last while you prepare for the most surreal experience of your life. There is no greater gift and no grander moment than that moment, when by the grace of God, you become a Mother. It is really an overwhelming feeling of pure joy and deep unconditional love.

I envy the experience you are about to have. Treasure these moments and you will keep them deep inside your heart for a lifetime.

With love,

Aunt Sherry