There is only "We."

It amazes me how quickly we learn and forget lessons. There really is no “us” and “them.” There is only “we.” Ultimately, we will all come to a place in our lives where we fully understand this notion. My hope is that the timing does not come in our last hour.

Without a doubt, there are people in our lives who we hold closer to our hearts, we cheer for a little louder and we love with more passion. What we have to remember collectively is that those people may have a tighter hold on our heart strings but those relationships don’t fill our love to its capacity. Our capacity to love is limitless. Love for one human being NEVER limits the ability to love another – ever.

Withholding love from another because you are angry, disappointed or feel they’ve made poor life choices may buffer you from pain in the moment but ultimately you will suffer because you are closing off your own potential to love and feel loved. Withholding love is the most critical mistake of all. Personally, I’d rather suffer the short term hurt than lose the long term relationship.

Now, if I’m going to be on board the honesty boat (thank you Vanessa & Kate), I cannot pretend that I haven’t been guilty of passing judgment on another or feeling quite angry over decisions they’ve made in their own lives. Learning to love and embrace the person without loving and embracing each of their life decisions, is a freeing experience and a necessary one in opening your hearts and allowing the fullest opportunity to love. After all, it is not my job to critique the life decisions of others, nor is it anyone else’s. The purpose of our lives is not a complicated one – it is quite simple. Love one another, without judgment and without exception.

I’m feeling a bit preachy here and that is not my goal. My goal is simply to remind who ever may take the time to read this blog that time is not endless and we must love each other now. If we don’t get it today – we will someday – but will that day be one day too late?

So how does one make the biggest impact in this life? You Love

‘Love is also a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection; and "the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.’

So, how does one make the biggest impact in this life? You love. Plain and simple, I am certain there is no greater gift you can give. I have been reminded of that very fact in so many ways during the last few weeks and months. It is not that I did not know it before but sometimes we need gentle reminders to get us back on the right path and to remember the true purpose of our lives.

I have chronicled well my mother’s recent illness. Watching her possibly slip away from us had me scared to the very core of my being; it was a fear I had not ever known before. I will not soon forget the unnerving feel of the vibration of my own heart trembling within the walls of my chest. The absolute and unconditional love of her brothers, sisters, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, friends, my sister, father, children and husband provided me strength to survive that fear. I have no doubt I would have crumbled without them holding me together. Love, in truth, is what held us all together – loving each other was the only thing we knew to do.

When the most important events take place in our lives, wonderful or tragic~
love is what appears. In celebration and even in sorrow – love ALWAYS takes the front seat. I always make an effort to tell each and everyone in my life how truly blessed I am to be connected with them and how deeply I love them but if I have missed anyone – I say it here – loudly, clearly and with conviction, “I love you and am grateful daily for your love and the opportunity to love you in return.”

It is absolutely beautiful and amazing how love is aslo present in the absence of celebration and or sorrow. Because love is constant and at the root of our every day lives.

Obviously you are reading my blog, so you know I am a school secretary and on the surface that may sound like a pretty mediocre job that does not impact lives on a daily basis. I can tell you with absolute certainty that that is not true because it is not the way I approach my job. My job is not merely to push paperwork, schedule meetings, complete a hundred different crazy tasks at once or even do the morning announcements (although, those who work with me might say that it IS the highlight of my day♥ and I wouldn't disagree!). The most important thing I do is to approach each situation I encounter on a daily basis with a sentiment of love and respect for others. I wish I could say I did this one hundred percent of the time, I don’t – but it is always my intention. Within the past few weeks, we have encountered situations at school that could not be helped or healed by anything other than love. Tight hugs, large smiles, small conversation and simple words of encouragement were needed most and I’m fairly certain those things will not change a grade or increase a test score – but I’m even more certain they will never be forgotten by the child (or teacher) who received them.

I just read and am grateful for the beautiful and heartwarming blog from my dear sweet friend Vanessa Valenzuela who wrote,“There are people in your life – even outside of family – who you know with one hundred percent certainty that they love you. I am lucky enough to know that one of those people in my life is Sherry Stark.” Such beautiful words. I never want a day to pass that the people that I hold closest to my heart will ever question how important they are to me and how dearly I appreciate them being in my life. I know for sure that Vanessa understands how deeply I value our relationship.

I want to convey to every reader of this post ~ Never, ever assume the people you love know it. Never stop telling them or showing them with deeds how incredibly special they are to you and what their presence means in your life. There will be no “do-overs” so say it and show it now.

Idle Time ~ Random Thoughts

If it is your absolute personal truth - it will not change depending upon your audience.

I cannot change someone else’s mindset and in most cases it shouldn’t matter that much to me what someone else thinks. After all, someone else’s belief system surely doesn’t impact the reality I see through my own eyes. Why has my heart always cared so passionately about what another believes is truth? Time to let that one go.

Love should always be unconditional.

I will always only know another human being to the extent they want me to know them. The reality is people will only reveal to you what they want you to know.

Children don’t love their parents as much as their parents love them because if they did they’d never leave home. I love my children so much I can’t imagine that day is in my near future. It is. Thank goodness they don’t love me as much as I love them or they’d never reach their potential to fly.
Fly they must.

Words when spoken gently and sincerely from your heart can wrap around the heart and soul of another human being and comfort them like a warm winter blanket. Words when spoken harshly can cut through the heart like a serrated knife. I know for sure that my heart is only full when my words feel more like a warm winter blanket.

Time is fluid ~ Not a single aspect of life remains static.
Who we are today is not exactly who we were yesterday and not quite who we’ll be tomorrow.

I miss you Charlene Thane Weaver

Today I woke up thinking about a blonde haired girl whose smile was electric. I don’t remember the color of her eyes and that makes me sad. I do remember the sound of her laughter and the way she clapped her hands together when she laughed and that makes me smile. And of course, I remember her remarkable cat eye glasses. They were like the ones my grandma used to wear.

I miss those glasses – and the sparkle in the eyes they sheltered.

Charlene Weaver spent a lot of time laughing, especially while she hung out in the office during her prep time or before or after school. You see, I was fortunate enough to be her school secretary. Nurturing new teachers is what I do. Their purpose is to grow children, mine is to support them while they do it. When I first met her, she was a bit nervous as she was starting her first days as a special education teacher at Conchos School. I remember those days so clearly, as I absolutely love the innocent faces of bright eyed but apprehensive new teachers on the first day they enter my building. They are full of anticipation and so eager to change the trajectory of the little lives entrusted to their care. And change lives they do.

Charlene came to Conchos through the Teach For America Program. I absolutely admire all the young people who have come into my life through this program. Like the others before her, she was incredibly smart, compassionate, and she possessed the desire to make a difference in our world. But I have to say, Charlene had this incredible uniqueness about her –as unique as those delightful glasses she wore so proudly. She was from Middle America – Iowa to be exact. Charlene had a wholesome, honest and down to earth personality. Her hero was Jimmy Carter. I can remember her telling me on more than one occasion that she aspired to be the first female President of the United States. America missed out, because she would have kicked some ass.

Charlene is always on my mind at this time of year– near my son’s birthday. In November, 2003, we were leaving his birthday party in Laveen when I received a call from someone who had just left the party before us. The message was to avoid 27th Ave & Baseline because of a horrible accident. I took a different route home that night but could still see all the emergency vehicles in the area. The next morning I received a heart wrenching call from a mutual friend telling me that Charlene had been in a serious accident. She was just minutes from home when the accident happened. I can feel my heart forming a knot and becoming heavier every time I think about it. The accident happened on November 1st and we lost Charlene on the 6th of November. It’s almost incomprehensible to me that eight years have passed since she departed this earth, leaving a gapping whole in so many of our hearts.

There is now a traffic light at the intersection where her accident occurred and every single time I am stopped there I think of her. Admittedly, it pisses me off that the light was put up too late.

Charlene Thane Weaver was 24 years old when she died. It is not possible for us to know the full impact she would have made on the world had she been given the opportunity. I am truly honored and grateful that I was blessed to share the extraordinary, ordinary days of her life for two of those 24 years.

Charlene Thane Weaver ~ There will never be a day that I stop missing you.

Dixie Jeanette Ribordy

Time does not really heal all wounds.  Time allows a scar to gently grow and cover the gaping hole in one’s heart that is created by the loss of someone you love.    Today I woke up thinking about the young lives of my students who have just lost their mother and their grandmother and I thought about the loss of my own grandmother.   Today would have been my grandmother’s 93 birthday. This November will mark the fortieth year we have had endure without her love, wisdom and guidance and I still miss her every single day.  

 
It is astonishing to me that someone who walked this earth for a short fifty three years and said her final goodbye nearly forty years ago could still have such an incredible impact on the way we live our lives, the way we interact with each other and the pride we have in sharing her genes.  

Dixie Jeanette Ribordy, an absolutely amazing woman is responsible for generations of unconditional love.

I was seven when I heard the words, “Grandma has cancer.” I knew immediately in my heart, but probably not in my innocent child’s mind, what that meant. You see, in 1974, cancer meant certain death. It didn’t matter that the beautiful woman who was diagnosed would leave behind grief stricken children, a broken hearted husband and three young granddaughters, each desperately needing her wisdom, guidance, unquestionable devotion and not least of all her amazing ability to love. Cancer doesn’t care. I really don’t know how long it was between the time I first heard those words and that fateful day when I witnessed every one of her children walking through that front door as they came home from the hospital for the very last time. That memory is as clear in my mind as though it was yesterday.

I had an unusually close bond with my grandmother. Her children were more like siblings to me than they were aunts and uncles. They still are. Most of our years were spent living under the same roof – or at least that is the way it seems. Seriously, I think I was a teenager before I could whisper the word “grandma” without welling up. Today, as I sit in front of this computer, fingers furiously typing, my heart is beating a bit faster and the tears I am fighting to suppress are there - just under the surface. When I lost her, I felt like I just wouldn’t be able to go on without her. I have, but only because I have a permanent place where she dwells and that is very squarely in the middle of my heart.

This pains to me say and I am quite sure it will be equally as painful for her children to read, but over the course of the past few years that incredible, unshakeable and absolutely unbreakable bond of being an offspring of Dixie Jeanette Ribordy seems to have lost some of its strength. I know there is no less love than there was before, but the bond has cracks and if they are not tended to, I am afraid those cracks will lead to a permanent break. Acknowledging that is painful – painful in a way that feels like I have a broken limb that won’t ever heal completely. I don’t know how to fix it….and I am a “fixer.”

On this day, the day of her birth~ My wish is that when you are finished reading this blog, you will take a moment to give her the gift of acknowledging the love she would be sharing on this day and every day she lived her life. I ask that today and every day for the rest of your life, you continue to share her love.

Love is her legacy and it is up to every single one of us to continue her legacy.

I Hope

I don’t really know what I believe. I often refer to myself as a “hoper.”

Where many say with absolute certainty that they know where life came from and where it will ultimately lead us – I can only say I hope one day I’ll know.

My mom will tell you with absolute certainty that she’ll meet her own mother in heaven again some day – and, I hope.

Hope. No, its not a religion…. I don’t have one of those.
Instead, I have a deep yearning to connect to something bigger than myself.

I long for the faith of others that indeed there is something out there more magnificent, more forgiving, and far more loving than all of us.

Just weeks ago I found myself on a small boat in a big ocean. While totally immersed in the beauty of the pristine water all around me and the cold pouring rain sprinkling all over my cheeks, my breath was taken at the amazing sight of a whale dancing in the ocean. Of course I didn’t see the dance in all its magnificent glory, but that large tale flying through the air and crashing into the water showed me he was there. Moments later its breath made its way into the air. Overwhelming and pure joy rushed over me and soaked my soul as quickly and as efficiently as the Valdez rain. At that moment, my whole being was immersed in nature’s glory. In that moment, I felt more than just hope.

A few days later on that same small boat in the same large ocean, I watched the dolphins skimming the surface as they played and raced along just feet in front of our boat and I was dazzled by jelly fish waltzing below the surface of the water in all their illustrious colors – magnificent yellows, brilliant greens and extraordinary oranges. Nature – exhilarating, pure and yes, perfect.

There is not a church in the land with more proof of a creator than the absolute beauty of nature. I continue to ask myself, “Is there a supreme being who created this perfection?”

I hope.

Katherine & Jes

As clear as crystal, I remember a moment shortly after Jes was born when he was crying as I cradled him in my arms. Katherine crawled up into my lap and began crying for no apparent reason. Within moments, I felt the warmth of tears falling from my own eyes.

I don’t recall why Jes was crying, but my heart whispered to me that Katherine’s tears were brought on by the fact that I was no longer just her mommy ~ from that moment on she would have to share me with this crying little boy. My tears were a little more difficult to name, but in retrospect I believe they were tears of separation. I knew instinctively that the little boy in my arms would never be as close to me as he had been the previous nine months of his life, nor would his sister. Those nine months when you carry a child inside you are precious and nothing short of a miracle. For nine months your unborn child belongs to you and you alone. For that miraculous period of time you are the source of their nourishment, their security, their life. Your body is their home.

So, in a strange but very simple way, my tears that day were shed for those days that would never come again. Those days when my body served as their shelter ~ their home. My tears were shed for the changing relationship I had with this beautiful bright eyed baby boy and his sister who wasn’t quite three years old yet. She knew and I knew that my whole world belonged to her before her brother’s grand arrival on that early Halloween morning. My heart was crying for her and for me. As the tears streamed down my cheeks, they were as warm and tender as the everlasting love I have for the beautiful and innocent babies I brought into this world.

Nearly sixteen years have passed since that quiet tear filled moment we shared on our living room sofa. The years are strung together by moments when those same loving tears have come to the surface but were not allowed to fall. Moments when you have to let them go to allow them to grow. Moments when you want to protect them from every harsh event the world may send their way. Each milestone they achieved brought joy but also the stinging sense of separation. It’s just the way it has to be.

Now we are sitting at the doorstep of their adulthood and the truth is it is really hard letting go. The urge to protect and shield them from the world is innate. It is what mothers are meant to do.

I miss those tender moments when their world was no larger than our living room.