A Favorite Quote

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

- Marriane Williamson

Misty - I know you always read my blog. I posted this specifically for YOU! Always remember to let your own light shine, it is the reason you are here! By allowing your light to shine, you will also brighten the lives of your children. They can't fully understand today, but someday they will know just how incredible and difficult the journey their mother chose to take was; and they will understand how your hard work and determination enriched and empowered their own lives.

I am so proud of you!

Grateful

It is simply inconceivable to me that Christmas day is only three days away. As a child this day seemed to take forever to get here but as you get older it tends to come around much too fast. Over the years, you hear yourself say “it just does not feel like Christmas.” This year, in particular, that has been so true. It’s been a rough year. It’s been over two months since Wynn was laid off. He’s not the only one we know who has lost their job in this craziness. He actually drove twelve hours for what he thought would be 3 days of work. He’s been gone six days now and won’t get home until late on Christmas Eve. One year ago that would have seemed ludicrous. Now, we are thankful for the work. We talked on the phone for about an hour last night. We talked about how many people are going through such difficult times. Susie’s mom just passed away; his own mother just had a mini-stroke and is facing three more surgeries on her legs; Angie’s mother in-law is scheduled to have open-heart surgery; my friend’s brother just underwent quadruple bypass. The list could go on and on. During our conversation, my husband, the one that always brings me back to earth – said “You know we are really lucky.” That is not a thought that occurred to me lately, maybe because we have absolutely no idea when, how or where the next job will come from. And he reminds me that we are lucky! He is absolutely right. It’s easy to get caught up in the "poor me" syndrome until you look at those around you who are going through such emotional and financial hardships. I have said many times that life in the absence of tragedy is a good life. Saying it does not mean you always believe it.

So three days before Christmas I am attempting to make a drastic shift in my perception. The best way to feel the spirit of this season is to immerse yourself in gratitude. I have much to be grateful for: my parents & my one and only sister are still on this earth; my children are healthy, happy and kind individuals; my husband loves me and I love him - I made a pretty good decision twenty two years ago (it’s the gift that keeps giving); our family continues to grow as we have been blessed many times this year with the births of healthy, beautiful babies (Lord, thank you); my mornings are spent exercising my body and nourishing my spirit by spending time with my Aunt Kathy; Sunday dinners at Aunt Joyce’s are always delicious and filled with laughter, it’s a place where cousins continue to bond – not just one generation – but two- actually, make that three!

These are hard times, but they are also overflowing with love, friendship, family, good health, laughter and gratitude.

Lord – when I fail to remember, please remind me that I am:

Grateful. Thankful. Appreciative. Blessed. Fortunate and yes, Lucky.

Kayden Joseph Evans

My great-nephew, Kayden Joseph Evans, was born on November 10, 2008 @ 3:16 in the afternoon. He is an absolutely beautiful baby boy.

Thank you, God, for the blessings you continue to bestow upon our family.

3:16
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Life is Fragile

You would think at 41 years of age, I would no longer need to be reminded about how fragile life really is. I should know to appreciate each good day, each moment of peace and tranquility in my home and in my heart. The moments when life has been trouble-free, when no tragedy permeates my inner circle have been taken for granted. Life certainly has an unkind way of reminding us to be grateful. On Saturday morning, about 8:30, I was reminded in a swift and cruel manner just how fragile life is. My friend and co-worker of over 14 years, Sylvia, lost her 34 year old husband suddenly Friday evening, with no warning of his impending death. He had plans to take her oldest grandson hunting Saturday morning. Life is cruel. When the grandson woke early, he thought his Tata Alex left him behind. His innocence was shattered moments later when he was told that Alex passed away, at home, the evening before. Life seems particularly cruel to Sylvia. This is the second time she has had to deal with the sudden death of her spouse. Her first husband, Francisco, died of a massive heart attack while at work. It was Alex that saved her from the destructive path that Francisco’s death put her on. I mourned with her then as I mourn with her now. I tried, but could find no words to comfort her. The best I could offer was a tight, long, heartfelt hug. I stroked her hair as she spoke of Alex and we cried together, but I could not ease her pain. I wish it were possible to ease her pain, but it is a journey she will travel alone. Life is hard and really unfair. The road for her is going to be awfully hard and terribly lonely. Her story needs to be a reminder to us all that each day that life is absent of tragedy – it is a good day. There are inconveniences and even days that are not great – but life really is good when those we love are here to share it with us. We fool ourselves in to thinking that our loved ones will always be here, that the life we live today will always be.... Life comes with no guarantees. During the last three weeks, I have found myself being depressed and wallowing in self-pity over the loss of Wynn’s job.
That feels so insignificant today.

I am grateful but I'm also scared

I haven't posted anything on my blog for awhile because I can only write when I feel moved. I wanted to feel inspired to write something beautiful and I have had plenty of opportunities lately to feel moved. Today, I am grateful but I also feel scared.

Ryder made a dramatic entrance in to all of our lives last week after about 30 hours of incredible laboring by his mother. I was really proud of Britt. She went through a tremendous amount of pain. Ryder is a miracle and a blessing from God for all of us. I'm grateful that I have been able to share in this incredible time of Kenny & Britt's life. It is cliche to say, but we have to really enjoy the moments in our life that are gifts from God. It's easy to take our blessings for granted.

I was blessed to spend last week spending time with my family in beautiful San Diego. The ocean is like medicine to me. It heals my tired bones. quiets my busy mind and fills my spirit with joy like no other place on earth.

Today my heart is feeling wrenched and my mind is not so quiet. Wynn was told by his boss yesterday that there is no work and there will be no work for quite some time. In my heart and throat, there’s a big lump. We have had times in our life when work was slow and layoffs happened, but this time, to me, feels so different. I don’t recall a time when the economy made the news every single day. This time the knot in my stomach feels so justified.

I pray – well, I have casual talks with God. Every day I do. I’m not really very good at it, my mind tends to wander, but I do my best. He knows me pretty well, so I think he undertands :) I find it much easier to pray for others, but last night I prayed hard that things would be ok, for me. Wow – what a difference a week makes – last Friday I fell asleep hoping for beautiful weather so I could enjoy strolling the beach in San Diego. Last night I fell asleep thinking, Oh My God, my husband does not have a job. Last Friday, I slept in peace and I woke up to the beautiful sights and sounds of Pacific Beach. I sat outside in the salty air and enjoyed the moist sea breeze and took pleasure in the sound of the never ending waves crashing along the beach. I did not sleep well last night and when I woke up this morning, my husband’s first words were, don’t worry about all of this. It is so unsettling. Maybe in a few days I will reach the place where I know deep down that we’re going to be just fine. Is that faith? I need some of that, right now.

Britt and Stefanie,

I was thinking about you both this morning as Jes walked by my room. I know that you both are feeling so ready to have your babies. I remember thinking the last month of each of my pregnancies that it was taking forever! I wish I could give you the gift of knowledge, of knowing how every single moment of your pregnancy is precious and that you will never in your life have this time again. You see, right now you are perfectly connected to this baby. This baby is yours. Shortly after the moment of birth, your child starts becoming its own independent person and given all the right opportunities in life that process will continue. That is the way it is supposed to be. We have them, we raise them and they grow into their own. Once the birth takes place, your child belongs to the world. You are, of course, responsible for nurturing, providing, loving and raising them, but they belong to the world. It will be their job to discover themselves and along that path they will discover their independence. So take this time to immerse yourself in the beauty of the life growing inside of you. When the baby moves, take that feeling in and appreciate the pure beauty and delight in the moment. Truly understand that you are a part of the miracle of life. It does not last long enough. There were moments after Katherine and Jes were born when I felt lonely and I realized that even though I was holding them in my arms, I was longing for them and that connection that we had for nine months. Cherish the moments and make them last while you prepare for the most surreal experience of your life. There is no greater gift and no grander moment than that moment, when by the grace of God, you become a Mother. It is really an overwhelming feeling of pure joy and deep unconditional love.

I envy the experience you are about to have. Treasure these moments and you will keep them deep inside your heart for a lifetime.

With love,

Aunt Sherry

Happy Birthday...

Was the thought I held in my head all day long yesterday. I watched and listened in peaceful amazement as the family buzzed around, telling stories, laughing and loving each other.

It was an absolutely beautiful day. One that could have sprung right from the past had it not been for all the children running around. The children representing the third and fourth generation of “us.”

Us has been an important word all of my life. It meant family. And there has never been a more important word for me, for us, than FAMILY.

Happy Birthday….

It would have been her 87th. She would have been buzzing around, telling stories, laughing and loving each of “us.”

Man, I miss her. I remember so very clearly a day when she said to me, “I won’t be around forever, you know.” I did not believe her then and sometimes even now its hard for me to believe. She was here yesterday. She was in the hearts, the minds, the laughter and the love we have for each and every one of us.

On this, her 87th birthday, she gave her family the most incredible gift, US.

My Dad....

Has only 8 more days left of work! He will be entering the world of RETIREMENT!! You don’t know it as days go by how your life is impacted by those who raise you. I’d be the first to tell you about all the awesome ways my mom has impacted, shaped, molded, nurtured and all together gotten me thus far in my life… but my dad… those words come seldom. I didn't always see how his presence in my life shaped me. How his getting up EVERY SINGLE DAY and going to work…. Hard Work…. stuck in my mind. How he, without a spoken word, helped EVERY SINGLE person in our family who needed it. Everyone always knew that they could call our house home. Most of my days living at home were shared with family members living in the home provided by my dad. I would not be who I am if not for those days. I’m not sure I have ever thanked him for that. He deserves a heartfelt thanks.

There are absolutely no memories of my dad staying home from work.

AND NOW, he only has 8 days left. I am so excited and proud of him. He, above all, deserves to take it easy and enjoy his days…

He has indeed shaped my life, he has given me an extraordinary sense of loyalty and work ethic and I love him and thank him for that.

Compulsive Thinker?

I am a compulsive thinker, so as I was reading Eckart Tolle's book Stillness Speaks, the following words jumped off the page at me: "Whenever you are immersed in compulsive thinking, you are avoiding what is. You don't want to be where you are. Here, Now.

I have re-visited this page in the book so many times.....it doesn't even need a bookmark.

Here. Now. It's the only time we really have. Life is so much easier when we don't try to "fix" the past or forecast the future. Every time my thoughts take off, I try to bring myself back to Now - it's a pretty good place to live.

.

How Is It That I See Myself? A link to the past...

How is it that I see myself?
A link –
A link to the past filled with wonderment, love & strength
A link to a lady
Who these young will never
Know the glory of her touch

I see myself as special,
As lucky and grateful

I feel in a sense
Responsible to them
As though I must try in some small way
To love deep enough
Care strong enough
And I must try hard enough
To give them
Just a glimpse of her

Although I will never be able to express fully her love
My actions must represent what she was about
And they will know

That she was such an incredible spirit
That her impact will not only be felt during my lifetime
But Prayerfully
Throughout the lives of those who never got the opportunity
To embrace her
And feel the power of her love.

Now – How is it that I see myself?
As a messenger

My message is…
We all belong to her
We are all responsible to follow through with her plan
To love each other
To build each other up
And sustain each other.

It is my destiny
My responsibility
To this generation
To make sure that her work is done.

**This poem was written several years ago, but with Susie's poem and Grandma's birthday coming up in a week or so, I thought it was appropriate to re-visit it.

My Very First Blog...

Today is the start of our second week back at school. I wanted my first blog entry to be fascinating so that every reader would be captivated by my every word. I don't have it today. I might tomorrow, because writing is in my blood... It's therapy to me sometimes and sometimes just simple entertainment. But today, well today every single living cell in my body is tired beyond belief. I have been starting my mornings at 4:11. Thank God my coffee is on a timer and the final grunt sounds before my feet ever hit the floor. After a quick cup, I rush out the door with my work out clothes on.... It's over to the gym for me, well to Aunt Kathy's living room, but when I'm in my car at 4:30 in the damn morning, it is more motivating to say, "heading to the gym" in my mind. I'm not sure if the working out has done my body as much good as the time I'm spending with Kathy doing my heart good. I think my heart is benefiting way more than my butt! We laugh and talk through most of the work out, that is in between her telling me to tighten my abs or my butt.... I really have enjoyed our mornings. As a matter of fact they make my day. When I leave her house and the sun is up, I know its time to start my real day. Get home, hit the shower, iron the clothes, wake the kids, wake the husband, straighten and curl the hair, head out the door to take the kids to school and then I'm off to school - which is a lot better than saying I have to go to work! After a long crazy day surrounded by 500 or so kids and fifty or so grown ups who sometimes are worse than kids, its back home to help with homework, get dinner done, Katherine to practice.....

Did I mention every single living cell in my body is tired?